Feminism and all that jazz

WIKIPEDIA: Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defendingequal political, economic, and social rights for women.^[1][2] In addition, feminism seeks to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist is "an advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women".^[3]

I have prided myself in being a feminist. Always have. And like the varied definitions of feminism, i have mine. I define feminism as the belief that a woman should assert her right as an individual without any fear. But as evident from this definition i can be a feminist till the donkeys come home without changing, practically,  a sand in the whole universe. 

Unless the belief, that women should have equal opportunities to men,  is changed to actual action- where women start using the opportunities and that is treated with respect, without prejudices, nothing will change. Every feminist will be ridiculed, all action by a woman to be what she deserves and is rightfully hers will be denied. The woman will assert her right at her home, her workplace, family and friends and still feel defeated.

It's the paradox we work in. To make this simpler, a few examples.

You will meet a certain kind of people who hate feminists. They say, it's a fad. Maybe it is. Who cares. But let's have some facts. I will actually leave it on you to research.What is the ratio of men: women in the world?  How many women are in the top management of any country, organisation, force? What percentage of those women comes from economically marginalised community? What percentage of the world's women population has the flexibility to take decisions around her life, her marriage, her child birth, family planning, budgets , what they eat, what they wear.  What percentage actually uses that flexibility? What percentage of the world's population is a part of domestic violence? What percentage of that are girls and women? How many of those are from the economically deprived sections?

let's take the story of any modern woman and man.

She has chosen not to get married till she finds the "right" man. She gets married  to a guy who calls himself a feminist. She is  amazed to finally find that one man in the universe who is sensitive, understands patriarchy, is learned, well read and well versed in world literature. Until the honeymoon is over. Literally.

Then she realises he hates it if she tells him to flush the toilet after use. Because it's his life and he has the right to live like he likes. She starts flushing the toilet then after. On some good days he does it himself. But this scenario pretty much prevails in all matters of matrimony, be it buying groceries, cooking , cleaning, spending money, anything and everything. She tries to understand the history , to understand where it is coming from and then at one point she realises all that both are doing is just a sad effort to gloss over which isn't right in the first place. The well learned  man has made a unconscious(Maybe conscious sometimes) choice to be the "man". Nothing she does will change it. In fact , the more she asserts her rights the more rigid and closed he will become.  It has nothing to do with what the man thinks in his mind. Over the years, without knowing, the belief system of "what women should be" has become a part of the subconsciousness .  Who wins , who loses. One day, she wants to give up and pick up the charade of being the ideal wife.  And that's the charade the wives of the world live in. Not because they love it but the choice of being themselves does not exist.

This results in reaffirming the cycle of patriarchy where the hearts and wills of women are broken down everyday. 

In your workplace, she works hard, gets paid the least , is committed, work in creating a positive environment, smiles and enjoys what she does. And when the promotion comes around, she hears the snide remarks of using her femininity to get higher in her career. Apparently her fault that guys look at her as an object. She has to learn to hide herself, o be unheard , to be unseen, under "proper" attire. 

Also, in a scenario where a wrong has been done and a woman raises her voice, she's accused of being a feminist. "Accused". Really. 

In the same scenario, because this prejudice exists, women actually learn to use the "desirability quotient" to get by in tough circumstances. They have inherently learnt the act of the look, the shake, the smile, the tear, the pathos to get by. It's sometimes hilarious to be  part of these theatricals but i somehow don't blame the women very much. In my mind i have debated this quite often and even while allocating some amount of blame on the woman i always appropriate much of it on the "brilliant" man who's made a choice to be blinded by prejudice.  

My mother keeps telling me i should never pick up fights with my husband, i should keep quiet unless necessary ( my necessity and her necessity have different definitions is a different discussion), i get told about "his" favourite cuisines that i should cook. No one gives a damn that i might have a choice, that i might not want to do all this. You speak your mind and you challenge every laid down stereotype without being the "demure" woman you're supposed to be.

And let me tell you, not all women are feminist either. Most women have deep rooted patriarchy just like the men do. And the reverse is true as well. The feminist or "women sensitive" people as i like to call them are too few and too far in between, amongst men and women equally. It is also difficult for a man to be a feminist as well. 

I still await when the mindsets will change, not in words but in actions. And this is not some random girl's story, it's my story, it's my neighbor's story, it's my friend's story and my family's story. Every woman you see has a story that she's never told. Every woman you meet has a story of broken dreams. It cuts across the domains of family, work and society. Ask the man and his story will have a woman's story that changed him as well.

Patriarchy is the basis of all forms gender based violence, specially against women. I will write about that separately. The violence against gay, lesbian and bisexuals is also because of deep rooted partriarchy and anything that goes beyond or challenges it is dealt with skepticism in most cases and violence is many. 

But beyond the stories, the realities have to change. I've not turned hopeless yet. Things are changing and will change. In one age i would have been burnt at stake for saying this. But today i can argue my case, i can talk about it in an open medium. Look forward to the stoic silences and some ferocious debates after i've posted this.

Humans no more!!!

We are no better than the animals..No, let's not even insult them by comparing them to us..Atleast they don't kill their own..not like we do..To satisfy the needs of power and superiority, we have stooped to levels noone knew existed..In the name of religion , of filthy politics, of fundamentalism of every subject imaginable except the basic fundamentals of life itself...for what reason? to achieve what end?

We have lost it..No, not the brains..So all you scientists can sit back..We have taken leaps and bounds in improving skills and knowledge and knowhow..to what? i'm not really sure..

What we have lost is what gave us our identity some ages back..the thing called "humanity"...

Remember?

India Rising???

I owe this to my friends..all those who have hummed and hawed because i've been out of touch with almost everyone.It's just one of my phases when i needed to get in touch with a very important person in my life-myself.But more on that some other time in some other age..Those who know me won't ask..and those who don't , don't need it anyways...

We have a school for Juanga girls with 150 children studying in it. Juanga is a PTG or a primitive tribal group, one of the 75 odd identified by the Government in India. They are generally defined by a declining population, low literacy rates, traditional ways of living, dependence of minor forest produces as a source of livelihood, non dependence on agriculture as a source of income..You can clearly imagine them..Yes..they live in the remotest of areas..in midst of jungles..have traditions that are lovely..

You know how they get married traditionally??Well..they'll put your disc parties to shame..Every year they have three major festivals..called "parab"..Once in winters, then in spring and then rains..which mostly coincides with sowing, ploughing and reaping of whatever "padu chasa" and "shifting cultivation" they do..These festivals run into weeks where groups of young people, men and women go to visit different clans..they have a specific number of clans and each clan has a mukhia or a leader. Each clan lives in it's own village and every village is again rule by a specific set of rules..There is a "manda ghara" or a central house(you can call it a club house if you will) and a fire burns in each of those manda ghara since they have resided there, come summer, winter or rain.It is the place where everyone sits down for a chat or important discussions or a simple game of 'bagha cheli"( Lion and Goat). Every house is a big one room where all the non-breastfeeding boys live..If you thought tribals usually have joint families..think again..They have very small nuclear families..in fact, as soon as the children stop feeding from their mothers, which would be till they are about four, the boys live in the "manda ghara" and the girls live with old women who have been widowed or living alone..Polyandry and polygamous marriages are not uncommon. Yes..going back to marriages..The groups visit each others' clan and some kind of initial wooing and matchmaking takes place in those nightlong dance and song sessions..The boys then tell their parent who that girl is who they want to get married to..And then the father of the boy gives the village of that girl a grand visit with the mukhia' of his clan...

He reaches the "manda ghara" and talks to the village leaders..then the father of the girl is called for..They have a talk about the feasibility of the marriage and the consent of the girl is asked for..if she says yes they do a "horoscope match" which is a bit out of the way..They place three grains of rice in a triangle and cover it with a mud pot..the next day if it is as it is, they are sure the marriage is good for the couple..( i have this nagging feeling the girl would change it with the help of someone if she didn't like the guy..}..

Anyways..after that, a dowry is worked out..which is reverse..the guys family pays to the entire village of the girl..the dates are fixed..and in the meanwhile the boy and girl together build their home..after the home is built they get married..The boy's family and the girl's total village give them whatever is required to start a family including pots, pans, money, rice, everything...

That's the beautiful part..Now with bans on marketing of forest produces, limited and curtailed rights on forests, timber a total no-no(which i totally support), they have now reduced avenues for income. Even agriculture requires skills which they do not have..Having lived a life of fun , frolic and less hard work, they now find it difficult to adjust to the ways of the world..There are times in the years , all they have for food is Rice and salt..and for some weeks, not even that..They buy rice and divide it in two parts.They boil one half and drink the water or the carbohydrate rich "mand". The next day, they keep it out to dry and boil the other half..this goes on till the rice water is no more milky and thick and that's the day they eat the rice..

May sound like a story to you..i myself wouldn't have believed it if i hadn't seen it myself..

The reason this post was written in the first place is that we run a school for 150 girl children of that community. The female litercay is less than 2 %. I went to live with them. There are no concrete or black top roads to the village, there is no water supply, no electricity and yes, no bathrooms or toilets..You hve to get water from a tube well which is 500 meters off..(thankfully, Rotary International has decided to build a tube well in our school and toilet's will be constructed soon after the water problem is solved).

This place gave me back my perspective yet again.Sometimes, when work becomes monotonous and nothing makes sense, and it becomes easy to lose hope. These people, with there woes and yet such happy smiles and small happinesses make everything worthwhile... and make you appreciate what youhave. But, that's another part of my story.

The sensex crossed 20K and maybe it'll break a few more records in the coming days..When it's so easy to get lost in India rising and India shining , it helps to do a reality check.

Footnote: Right to food is one of the basic human rights of a man.

There is so much of buffer stock of grains in our country that it'll feed an entire generation for 10 years. Still, people go hungry every day in our country. There was a time when out country didn't have godowns to keep the grains and next year a report was presented which showed that 30% of the stocks had been eaten away by rodents. What a waste. They could've looked into the stomachs of people to store it.We live in a country where the sensex is doing some great upward moves and presenting a shining picture to the world..but the reality is something totally different. If you don't agree with me, you can run your eyes over the pavements, the streets and the slums coming up every part of the country.

NB: I'm an eternal optimist. I think the things will change. But i also think it's we who have to start that change.

The children of the street!!!

A few days back i made a stop near the local market because i had a pick a few things up. As i was waiting for the driver three little children showed up. You would have seen the type sometime in your life if you live anywhere in India. They have dirtied torn clothes and faces which are difficult to tell apart and those simply magnetic and pitiful innocent eyes. They won't speak a word and the only thing they know is to outstretch their hands, begging for alms. They won't leave you alone until you either give them money of dirty looks or both.

Now, we work with child labourers and street children. We run three schools with 50 children each in the district at three places, Joda, Keonjhar and Banspal. We also have 20 Non-formal education centres in 20 slums where non-school going and drop-outs are taught in play-learn methods and gradually enrolled into regular schools with periodic monitoring to stem the drop-out. We also worked with 700 such children and their parents in the past where we gave importance on the capacity building of the parents, sensitization, micro-enterprise development and decreasing the work hours of the children alongwith compulsory education.

That was just a background and besides the point. That's what makes me think about those children a bit closer from a different perspective or maybe vice-versa.

I asked them what they would do with the money (there were two girls aged anything between 6-8 and a boy who was maybe about 10-11). First they kept quiet looking at me with those idiotically sweet eyes and nudging at me. Then after i gave them one of my best smiles and sat with them they finally relented. They said they hadn't had anything to eat since the morning and they would get something to eat. Now, i usually don't give alms to able-bodied beggars and specially when they are children. But try as i could, i just couldn't ignore this. I asked a shopkeeper nearby to get three packets of some good biscuit or crackers. He told me, "Vini, let them be, they are all little devils". Little devils or not, i had to talk o them and there wasn't any other way. I asked them about their lives. They belonged to a nomadic tribe. At the risk of going off topic again, most nomadic tribes in India are not in any schedule, they are generally treated as "born criminals", they do not have most of the civil rights, they are denied the basic right to vote because they do not have a "permanent address", they cannot even open an account in any bank and lets forget the passport and other things that we all take so much for granted. As is obvious their children are not sent to any schools. You would argue, who would take them. I, partially agree. Yes, no one but that's because we still haven't thought about them or accepted that they are Indians too. They live like foreigners in their own land. They make those lovely idols with plaster and china clay which are worshipped in every Indian home, be it a Hindu, Christian, Buddhist or those tablets in a muslim household.. They give 'jadi booties' for a zillion ailments and before shitting those let's have a research on those traditional herbs and medicines.

Ok..back to the children. i gave them the biscuits and told them to eat it in front of me. They did so, very reluctantly. I promised myself to visit their families after i came back from a week of meetings at Bhubaneswar and would spend at least an hour with their children everyday. That was more selfish on my part. I wanted to know how the children adjusted to the nomadic lifestyles. I wanted to know how the kids felt being unwanted at every place they went. I wanted to know what was the normal life for these children. I wanted to know what the children thought of the only profession they had been taught since childhood -begging.

I reached here the night before the last. Yesterday was Diwali so stayed at home. I came early today so that i could spend some time with those children and their families.

Their tents are gone as are they.

My dreams of talking to them will get fulfilled someday. And meanwhile, thousands of such children are getting robbed of a childhood without the basic rights to health, education and shelter.

There are so many "only ifs" but none to drive away those innocent eyes that haunt you long after they gone...

Footnote: UN defines every child of 6-14 age group out of school as child labour.