Sakhshi (not her real name) is 11 years old.
Her father died before she knew what a father meant. Her mother committed suicide when Shakshi was just about 9. The reason: she couldn't take in the accusations by everyone around of being a bad omen and incessantly accused of being the reason her husband died. People wouldn't even look at her because that would bring bad luck for the day . And what's more- she had two daughters and had failed to produce a son.
Orphaned along with her two years older sister, and with no one to look after her, Shakshi was sent to their maternal uncle's house. Both of them worked like domestic helps doing all the cleaning, washing and cooking and of course no love, acceptance, education or payment for all they did.
On a day she fell sick she was taken to a doctor who took pity on the sisters and hired them to work in their houses, one for his family and the other for his in-law's place. Does it need mention that their monthly salary of Rs 200 went to their uncles? I think not.
After a few days of work Shakshi was sexually abused every day by the doctor for 6 months and when she couldn't take it anymore she told about it to the doctor's wife. The doctor's wife beat her up and accused her of lying and threw her out of her house.All the neighbours were also told about what she had done and they finally branded her as being mentally unstable. The kid all of 11 years , walked for miles, with tears running down her cheeks with no-one to turn to and reached the place where her sister was working. She told her what had happened and when her elder sister tried confronting the family, she too was asked to leave the place immediately.
The two sisters were found by a person passing by, under a tree , huddled together and crying . And that is how they came to us, scared, hungry and probably permanently scarred for their lives.
Does this make you angry?
This is not the only story. We have 78 such stories filed neatly in files in our SWADHAR Home, a Shelter Home for women in distress which provides shelter to such women and takes care of the emotional and psychological needs, the medical needs and also initiates legal steps to bring justice to the women wronged. In the meanwhile besides the counselling they are also provided with vocational trainings so that when they go back to the society they have something to fall back on. Throughout last week we were doing the an assessment of all our programmes individually and the organisation as a whole and we tried to analyse our objective as a leading NGO in Orissa. One day was for SWADHAR and we tried assessing its role and our objectives. Was it to provide shelter to women only and the medico-legal and psychological counselling?
Is that the solution that we are seeking? Is that the issue at all?We started with a rich picture which charted the journey of a woman and believe me it doesn't end at a shelter home. A shelter home can be a temporary arrangement and she can never make this her home. And if she did, i'm not sorry to say that surely will not be healthy, either for the woman or the society. It can only facilitate the process to get justice and try to ease her pain and give her the confidence to face the world and overcome the emotional and sometimes physical battering she has received.
That girl would not have had to face all that she did if she had found some sympathy at any step of her journey- at her own village, at her uncle's place, at the doctor's house , with his wife or at any of the "Mahila and Shishu desks" in every district or any other place which could have stopped what happened to this tiny girl. And better still, her mother would have not committed suicide driven to despair by the callousness of the society.
We see violence against women in so many areas, with so many faces and be it Guwahati or Konark or Mumbai, the cause is much beyond not providing safety to women. When last week we sat down with our counsellors and managers for the annual evaluation and objective analysis the picture was far from what first met the eye.
When we drew a problem tree where on the surface we had a woman on the streets without the family support and tried to reach the roots, which really wasn't easy because one would say it was lack of awareness, education, poverty , physical weakness and the rest but gradually it went down to a society where we still have a deep rooted patriarchy, where women still have to carry a stigma if there is any deviance in their perceived and society designated roles. Call it hypocrisy, call it multiple standards but it is there for you to see.
Men do not wear Indian dhotis and kurtas anymore, at least not on a daily basis but a woman has to confirm to the Salwars and Sarees and if she wears jeans pretend that she likes Salwars and Sarees more. A woman who leaves her husband or the other way is ridiculed and shamed at every suitable occasion. A woman who drives a car/bike depending on which place you live in is sure to attract some incredulous looks.A woman has to adjust and sacrifice if she has a violent husband who beats her up and never talk about it to anyone and turn up smiling and understanding the next morning. God help a woman whose husband dies before she does. You would say that sati is only some stray occurrence in backward areas, but if you look closer you will find her burning in a social pyre every day . Brides are still being burnt for dowry as if she was a burden and had to be paid off.
We have 6 million girl children missing from our population and the female ratio is declining, more so in the high literacy and high growth states with Punjab, Haryana, Gujurat and Maharashtra leading the list. From 976 females per 1000 males in 1961 it has come down to 927 in 2007 and is decreasing at an alarming speed. If you think that wasn't shock enough, think of this: There are presently 24 Districts in India which have a female ratio less than 800 and they are all in so-called developed states. Wasn't education supposed to empower women? So what happened?What is it that going wrong? Does social stigma and patriarchy ring any bells?
If you still don't get the implications think about these : Think about the 6 million guys who won't have a partner. What will they do? Do you think they will turn yogis? Definitely not. They will borrow from the future generation, old men will get married to kids, one woman will have many husbands, the kidnappings and women trafficking will increase and no, women will not have better respect. We just might usher in the purdah system and women might again end up in the confines of homes without education or a share in development process.
When we drew the objective tree, the vision we have set for ourselves was quite clear: We wanted "A society where a woman lives with respect and dignity , has equal opportunities in every sphere, has the freedom and independence to take decisions about herself, is an equal partner in development and democracy". Sounds like a lot doesn't it? But is it too much to ask for? In a country whose basic constitution is based on equality?
As we started finding out structures it became evident that the support systems like police stations, courts, punishment of the guilty, early justice, swift action were relevant but more important were building the base with education, health and economic development of the women and at the same time working on removing the traditional stigma that exists where women are judged based on primitive and traditional roles played by them.
I do not think we can change it in a day. Like any disease it is all right to provide medicines once you fall sick and having the right medicines but what is important is to not fall sick at all. But once we start thinking about the problems and realise that the solutions go much further than providing the curative care and is more about preventing such occurrences and promoting better practices by society i think we can go a long way. We have to start preparing the society for the change that will evidently happen and the roles will surely change.
[Photographs are of the candle lighting done by hundreds of women during celebration of "End Violence against Women" on December 10th'2007 as a part of 16 days activism to stop VAW.More than a thousand candles were lighted by women who came from different walks of life. ]
