i'm at a strange phase of my life..
i've been here before..and so i'm scared for myself..and for everyone around me..it's my phase in life where i've let my mind rule my heart..where every moment i am thinking and questioning..about the why's and why nots..about alternatives..about roads and crossroads..
i know i'll be reckless now, because i'm not afraid anymore..at least not regarding certain things like losing because i know there are a certain things in life that i'll certainly lose..and if i've to find, i'll find again..
i question a lot of things in me..specially where i've let people take adavantage of me..because i've been quiet when people have taken from me what wasn't rightfully theirs and i've taken from them a behaviour which i did not deserve..today, i still do not want to challenge other people when they do that but i question myself today why i do it? What is it that i let them..i let them wield a power to hurt, to pain..do they own me? not really, but i have let hem..do they own the pain and hurt they give me? No- because they don't even realise that.
i've made them too powerful..and that's my nemesis.
i question what is right. My inherent affinity to keep quiet when it comes to people i love..hoping that if i love them enough and if they love back, they'd understand without explaining. But i now understand love means different things for different people. You either understand that love or you move on..
I feel hurt and confused. But the time says i've to move on.
There is a time when you have to realise that you are not the demon people say you are. It is not a sin to expect a hug, a smile, a patient ear, a look, a touch..It's not insane to ask for a favour..And you have the right to receive too, a right to be cared for, to be loved..like you have..and for a change, perhaps, even when you haven't..Is it too much to ask?
( for all of us who're going through this with a loved one. You know it's for you. )
