The limits of dis-integration

No, you will not disintegrate
because there is no limit to you
because you are beyond
the known limits you know
because you are here
because you are now
because you are the past
because you are the future

You will not break
because you are a non entity
because your shape is not the body
because your thoughts are beyond boundaries
because you exist in everyone
and everyone exists in you

you will live even after you're gone
you have no choice
you will breathe till eternity
because your breath exists
from the beginning of the beginning
and will be lived by generations
till the end of the end.


You say you care for no one
can you stop everyone breathing
the air you just breathed out?
Can you wipe the slate clean
and undo your touch
in the many lives you've lived
in this one life?
can you stop the people loving you
can you stop the life around
how can you stop yours?

You say death is your goal
But what if there's another life beyond?
Will you live in torture
and set another goal for it to end?

I do not know how to reach out
because you will not let me
i do not know if i should
because my questions are still unanswered
i do not know if it is time
because my quest is not over yet

Your Boie...

Blank spaces give meaning to sentences, the voids make music, the stillness gives meaning to motion and that's what i've been trying to find..I have been very quiet but there's something i can't find..a stillness in thoughts, a stillness in action, a meaning of the void in my heart..the blank spaces that i do not understand..

No friends, noone to talk to..And when there's someone, there's nothing to talk about.. I'm a loner.. i always was..but am i becoming lonely too? Which i wasn't?

The only things i'm managing to find in the process is restlessness, confusion, a thousand unanswered questions..

Someone said i've become frozen-frigid. I think i have. i try to open up, to accept and then shut myself out, completely. In my fear of getting hurt i end up hurting people who are special.

It is as if i do not exist anymore. My life's lived for everyone and i love that life.When i am living that life i'm comfortable, i'm happy. It's where i can give, i can dictate my terms. When it comes to living a life for myself, i shun, i detract, i run away. Why? i do not face my fears, cause i'm scared to feel pain. i do not want to face those demons in the past because i feel it'll be an abyss.

i've given , i give.. but only what i want to..i am scared to take because i always feel i do not deserve to take.

i let you dream last night

because i knew there would be no dreams again

i sang to you my unsung melodies

that was my tribute to you

you want me to be your boie,your book,

but the book's already closed.

i wish i could open the doors to my heart and let you in..

but there are no doors anymore.

i wish i could be owned,

i wish i could belong,

but my wishes are fanciful..

can the sky be owned?

can the air belong?

i love you, i do.

but i am a thief you know.

i steal, without giving back anything.

i wish i had something to give you

but all is that was mine to give is gone..

long before you came smiling by..

i want to take away that pain.

i want to be the friend to you i never had

but only if you let me be.

you know we had our moment

i could have turned it into a raging fire.

but i didn't.

i've lost myself, i told you.

i can't reach myself anymore.

will you forgive me?

will you be my friend?

You say i'm the woman for you..

but how can i be,

when the woman is lost forever..

you sing i fill up your senses..

how can i with all my craziness?

You croon you can't take your mind off me..

Don't love me so much.

i can't love you back.

You do not deserve this coldness.

The warmth has to be answered with heat

the love with passion

the smiles with laughter

You deserve more than i give.

You deserve much more.