My men friends (and women friends too), Just because I'm feeling it, I'm going to write a longish message.
After all the time Ravi and i have been together, mostly fighting , the question I always ask what is that spark that keeps us together?
And the answer is , I can always depend on him when we need him. Even when I'm fighting with him or he is with me, we both know, we are in this together. That we respect each other and deeply acknowledge the value the other brings to our lives.
We are in 21st day of the lockdown.(And believe me, this is the longest we have stayed together in the same city- let alone the same house) . We have had crisis after crisis, both at work and home. Finally our washing machine too died a few days earlier to add to our already crazy lives.
But, I've a zillion things to be thankful for. I have babu who I can depend on and not counting Caesar who is our love bug.
And I was wondering about everyone else and how they are doing.
Ravi has been sharing housework, helping with doing the dishes, cleaning, mopping, washing clothes, watering the plants- even though we both have strict timelines at work. And more important than anything, we discuss what the other needs- what help is needed for the day and who will do what. Sometimes , we mess up or slacken off or slip up- but that is ok, because we know it is a tough time and we have to manage it together.
I also realise, how easy it can be to take things for granted. Mothers who have worked at home, thanklessly. Wives who do their "jobs" like robots through the day. But no- that is not their "job".
Let's first acknowledge that. Houseworks is everyone's work. Do not fall for the age old stereotypes, because this generation has to act- and change consciously to break these. You've heard it enough- time to practice.
It can be difficult for men- who have been pampered and taught that their role is a "man's" role. No, it isn't.
So go ahead, and break the stereotypes. It will be difficult at first. You will get stares from moms, some bit of tana like "Joru ka Ghulam" etc, but deal with it. Most of all, I think you will also need to deal with your own feelings when you start doing work that you have never before. But hey- It's basic life skills. The pain comes with the territory. Right now YOUR household doesn't have a maid. YOUR household is also going through crisis. Do your bit.
And Women, Ask for help. Don't keep silent and continue doing all the jobs alone. You too are feeling the isolation. Stay-At-Home women, your spaces are now continually intruded by people and you've lost your freedom. So, ASK for help. Assign tasks. NO- it is not your job. It is not your household only. It is of everyone who stays in the house. And no- this is not a holiday. It is a crisis and everyone in the house needs to respond like it's one.
Break the stereotypes ! We will get through this- together. And only together. And those who are already doing it- Thank you for being real men.
