Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Seventh Season!!!

You dial the digits which you say is the sequence of numbers you remember better than your ATM password and give a call to me after five years. Why, i have no idea and neither do you.


You say i still love you. You say it's more than ever. And i confess, i do not know. The love that was is a moment frozen in time. I admit i outdid myself in loving you and swore it would be eternity before it died.

I do not know if it died. Or just went to sleep. I say i have changed. You say i'm still the same. I do not know which is worse.

I had moved from one time to the other, from one relationship to another before we met, in search for that "love" which i thought would never find. I haven't found it since either. You say i don't want to find it. You should know. Weren't we called a phenomenon? Wasn't there a time when words were such stupid unnecessities in communication? Wasn't a look enough to know what the other as thinking?Wasn't there a time when it was always "we" and never an "i"? You say i should move on. I say i have and you don't believe me. I am bored really. Nothing, no one to be precise, manages to hold my attention for more than a few days. Sometimes there's a sudden promise of depth and i try my best to make it work but it always turns out shallow. Is it their failing or is it mine? Now that i look at it, i realise i never try to keep my side of the bargain. I just don't connect. You know i'm not unhappy. Far from it. I'm happy and satisfied. I love my work and i don't feel the need to get into a relationship now. You say i still love you...

But what difference does it make? i could have called you too and i would be lying if i said i didn't want to. I did. Oh so much that it ached till i could bear it no longer. Just to hear the sound of your voice, to see the look in your eyes. But i knew it wasn't the thing that could change anything.

You know i hated you once. But it was never enough to wipe the love i felt. I still haven't understood if it was my love i felt or yours i knew. If someone mentioned your name it was a fresh wound in my heart. Oh god, it still is. To see the same eyes, and the same look.To see the reflection of the love i felt and the pain still hidden behind that smile.I could hate you but i don't have the urge anymore. I have tried and failed. We are not together not because i loved you less or you ceased to love me . As if that can ever happen. But because that was a decision you took for your family and that's just another reason i loved you for. I know you'll never read this and if you do it will just be a testimony to what you already know.But when was there a need for one? The similar people that we are nothing needs to be proven to each other.

We pass each other on the street after such a long time and you still look at me as if the five years never happened. You smile and all wrongs are forgiven. And that is my space with you. I know and you do too that the vacuum will never cease and the blank spaces will always remain. And we both know it will never be right again. Not in the sense the world wants it to be.

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She woke up with a start. She knew it was a dream. She knew he would never call. She knew he was like her.

She knew it was just one of those days.

Happy Birthday!!!

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