International Women's Day 2018

It's important to celebrate today.

I, perhaps had one of the best Women's Day of my life today. In an obscure corner of Gurgaon, i met four girls, 15-19 years of age. All of them showstoppers, breaking stereotypes and challenging norms, of every kind, gender, region, religion, education, caste, body shapes and what have you to pursue their dreams of livelihood and independence. They reminded me yet again, why we do, what we do. They also reminded, that we need to do more, and it is not enough.

They reminded me again of the privilege i have, of birth, upbringing, education, caste. They reminded me, i succeed in my life mostly because of the support i have. They will succeed, despite that. They reminded me through their fire why it is important to keep the embers glowing to set up new fires.

On the other side, i also had , like many of you, a bombardment of WhatsApp messages stating how women are blah and bluh and bleh. If we aren't born with it, it isn't a prerogative of women. If women have motherhood, fathers have fatherhood. If men can be ruthless, women can be brutal. The only difference, between men and women, is a biological one. Sorry to break the bubble, but Mary Kom can box the life out of most men. And if Mary Kom can, most women can , yes, with practice. So don't dare say women are soft and kind. Reminds me of one of my first acts of rebel, when one of my school seniors told me women don't have a "jigar". The senior still has some scars from then. Important today for women to question when they do something, is it because they themselves like it or they do it because the world desires them to be a certain way. The lines get blurred along the way of cultural conditioning and normalisation of tacit stereotypes and sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference. What women want. Yes, important to ask that question.

Which also makes me want to reiterate, that the discourse on gender, cannot be had, without a conversation on men and masculinity. the way women are "desired" to be and the way men are "supposed" to be. This is important because it impacts the way men and women behave with the world and themselves, be it families, societies or work places. Because while women suffer, men suffer too. All men,even the bicep bulging, take-care-of-everyone, never-cry men, are human first, and they too have feelings, that are never acknowledged, and results in violence and abuse, and skewed way of looking at and responding to women. Men who rape women (and men and trans) because it gives them that sense of power. Men who beat women and men , as it springs from their notion of power, control and entitlement. Men , who tell you women are great because they sacrifice and are kind because it validates their manhood. Men who tell you , based on feelings , mind you, not evidence, that women are softer with people at work. Men who tell you, why hire women, when they are emotional and get pregnant or are immoral when divorced and separated - unaware or willfully ignorant that women are more productive at workplaces. Men who sush women and allow men to speak, because they cannot take a viewpoint of a "woman". Men (and women) who tell you not to laugh to loud (like surpanakha? ) . (Where is the difference you say? Ask, how many times have you judged a man for being divorced, fat, thin, loud , etc etc).

There is a reason to celebrate. There is an urgency to respond. Women are here despite of the culture, stereotypes, challenges, hurdles. Now, they have to be equal contributors to change, and there is no way , but to enable them to do it. We need to decide if we want to contribute to it or stand by as they march ahead, because March ahead, they will. So everyone, each of you, the men and women and the others , a happy Women's Day!

I end with one of the tweets that i have loved today and absolutely believe in .

@shailjapatel (Via Twitter)

Read women. Cite women. Credit women. Teach women. Publish women. Present women. Acknowledge women. Award women. Amplify women. Hire women. Support women. Promote women. Hear women. Believe women. Follow women. Pay women. Pay women. Pay women. #IWD2018

PS :

1. the girls i met are from this amazing organisation called navgurukul. check them out at : http://navgurukul.org/

2. the motherhood and fatherhood statement is attributed to my friend and colleague, the feminist man that inspires all of us, Masood Akhtar Shaikh.

3. Shailja Patel is an amazing Kenyan writer, who continues to inspire with her words