Blank spaces give meaning to sentences, the voids make music, the stillness gives meaning to motion and that's what i've been trying to find..I have been very quiet but there's something i can't find..a stillness in thoughts, a stillness in action, a meaning of the void in my heart..the blank spaces that i do not understand..
No friends, noone to talk to..And when there's someone, there's nothing to talk about.. I'm a loner.. i always was..but am i becoming lonely too? Which i wasn't?
The only things i'm managing to find in the process is restlessness, confusion, a thousand unanswered questions..
Someone said i've become frozen-frigid. I think i have. i try to open up, to accept and then shut myself out, completely. In my fear of getting hurt i end up hurting people who are special.
It is as if i do not exist anymore. My life's lived for everyone and i love that life.When i am living that life i'm comfortable, i'm happy. It's where i can give, i can dictate my terms. When it comes to living a life for myself, i shun, i detract, i run away. Why? i do not face my fears, cause i'm scared to feel pain. i do not want to face those demons in the past because i feel it'll be an abyss.
i've given , i give.. but only what i want to..i am scared to take because i always feel i do not deserve to take.
i let you dream last night
because i knew there would be no dreams again
i sang to you my unsung melodies
that was my tribute to you
you want me to be your boie,your book,
but the book's already closed.
i wish i could open the doors to my heart and let you in..
but there are no doors anymore.
i wish i could be owned,
i wish i could belong,
but my wishes are fanciful..
can the sky be owned?
can the air belong?
i love you, i do.
but i am a thief you know.
i steal, without giving back anything.
i wish i had something to give you
but all is that was mine to give is gone..
long before you came smiling by..
i want to take away that pain.
i want to be the friend to you i never had
but only if you let me be.
you know we had our moment
i could have turned it into a raging fire.
but i didn't.
i've lost myself, i told you.
i can't reach myself anymore.
will you forgive me?
will you be my friend?
You say i'm the woman for you..
but how can i be,
when the woman is lost forever..
you sing i fill up your senses..
how can i with all my craziness?
You croon you can't take your mind off me..
Don't love me so much.
i can't love you back.
You do not deserve this coldness.
The warmth has to be answered with heat
the love with passion
the smiles with laughter
You deserve more than i give.
You deserve much more.
