Two things bring up this post, amongst others.
I usually take the aisle seat in a plane, helps me stretch my legs and walk about, should i want to , without disturbing the co-passengers. As is usual in India, as soon as the wheels hit the tarmac, people open their seat belts and are ready to jump out . My neighbor , one on the middle seat , seemed to be in a bigger hurry than usual. He stepped on me and i offered to make space once the flight had stopped taxiing. And i did. As i waited patiently for him and his father to alight who were without a regard for other people, i saw a couple on the other side of the aisle . The man was physically showing concern for the safety of his wife by guarding her body with his own, cocooning her. The wife seemed to be grateful. as i stood waiting , i scrolled down my emails and social media- more by habit that real interest- and the first thing on the timeline was this :
http://www.storypick.com/habits-of-chivalry
Got me thinking seriously about a couple of things. Firstly, how men behave or have been conditioned to behave with women, and how that behavior varies from a woman you are related to and a stranger. This is a general debate and i let you to think about it in depth and have your own interpretation and analysis.
The second one was more personal and hence i would like to delve into it a little bit further. i am a feminist. i wonder if that is a difficult thing to live with. I have a husband who is also a feminist- a fact that is probably at the base of why we are still married. My husband is feminist in thought but still to traverse the action part and i think i make it very difficult for him to breathe even at times. I goad him, rile him and simple issues become feminist debates. From simple things like why when both work, housework still remains a female dominion to large discussions on perceptions, moralities and stereotypes. When i saw that couple, i wondered about my own reaction. Would i be as coy and demure as that girl? what a joke, right? i would look at my husband with every bit of sarcasm and tell him to protect the society through his actions than creating a physical wall to protect me. And it would lead to another argument or not. The point being, for men who are taught to communicate to women in that particular way, of being protectors, the hunting gathering men, what happens when roles change and evolve? How do men then express their care to feminist women like me? Same men who have been conditioned to never show the emotional side, be strong, be pillars and the bleh. Must be difficult. I am sure it is.
But i guess it's a struggle that this generation of men will also have to learn to live with. These are the men who made a conscious choice to be different, to be married to strong women with a mind and heart of their own, who refuse to be tied down by stereotypes. And i think, we will find our ways to express our love for each other, that is not opening the doors (for the other), except when it is to a new thought.
3 comments:
You are right there. Men of this generation have had it bad. Their heart is in right place, but tug and pull of the old and new. Expectation and reality coupled with years of conditioning is a situation they have to deal with every living moment.
It is so lop sided sometimes. It seems like the generation after Hitler. The collective guilt was so high that it became cause of depression. Men need support too. Today aggression usually directed towards those men who actually want to change. But expectation is so high that they are getting weighed down indiscrimnately.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10858831/Domestic-violence-viral-ad-the-real-difference-between-attacks-on-women-and-attacks-on-men.html
I always find this train of thought very very intriguing. (I don't get your statement about the collective guilt- and would be good to have your explantion on that.)
Going back, Gender is definitely not only about women. Stereotypes are definitely not confined to women. Gendering of roles, specially in post-modernist theories also encompasses the third sex and combines them with the Masculinity theories. What is in contention is why do we live in different gender roles. Regarding gender, Simone de Beauvoir said: "One is not born a woman, one becomes one". Same goes for men and the third sex. Everyone is born human- but from the day they are born, they get conditioned into what they "should be" keeping their genitalia in mind. the oppressed in this is definitely not only women. The manifestation and institutionalization of violence is more visible in women- as they are treated as objects and rules are established to be honoured by the "dumb/mute" sex. But yes, men face it too. The expectation to be a man, to play the role of a protector, the provider is as daunting as the "nurturer" that is associated with women. With the third sex, it's even worse, when the "rule creators" do not understand what should be the rules for this sex and they end us being discriminated and abused in worse ways than any man or woman.
So, yes, the discrimination of men. By women. Abuse of men- by women- that's an interesting point you make and that was what i wanted to talk about in my write up. Men- just by virtue of being men- without asking for it have access to power. That's the social fabric and there isn't much debating on that. All men in our country will vouch for the fact in their families- from access to resources, nutrition, education to mobility and decision making, women are the second rung citizens within the family. Now, where the power structures are shaken- what do men feel? How do they deal with it? There are many theories and examples- from feeling a loss of power to extreme violence to self and others, men have behaved in different extremities. These are fascinating theories. The emasculation of men as some tend to call it. Do women violate men? yes they do. Can they be perpetuators- yes they can. Going into the root cause again remains an integral part to this. That's for another writing because there is a long long history to that as well- and i will need to talk about it in detail as it's asking to be written. The definition of discrimination and violence and its history needs some pondering.
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